Saturday, December 12, 2020

The Worst in Me

Westerns is one of my husband's favorite things to watch on TV. I am more into reading, so that's what we do when we're relaxing at home. He's watching Westerns and I'm reading.

Writer's like to think that every story has to have an antagonist, and especially writers of Westerns. The problem is, it always seems to bring out the worst in me. I get distracted from my reading and I am now hoping someone will shoot the cantankerous and onery antagonist. No grace, just shoot him dead, and I'm always relieved when that happens. Someone finally puts them out of my misery.

One of the things that fires up my anger, are people who are evil for sport. They get their kicks out of their troublesome ways.
Psalm 139:19 (NKJV) Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God! Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
What does that say about me, that I am sitting there wishing someone would shoot this character so we can move the story along with him out of the way?

Why is it that I have no compassion for them? How does God manage to have endless mercy and abounding grace for these type people and I have none? (Heavy sigh.)

How ironic isn't it that the worst in them is also bringing out the worst in me? The difference however, is that I'm concerned about it in a way that they're not. I heard a preacher say, "You may sin the same sin you used to sin when you were a sinner, but you don't sin the same sins in the same way." The Holy Spirit's presence in our inner being incites conflict, so our attitudes toward our actions are different than they used to be. So even if I'm overcome by a wicked desire to see harm come to my fellow man, there's a part of me that's not really okay with that.

The apostle Paul describes it this way:
Romans 7:19-25 (NLT) I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life-that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
The Answer: Sow to the Spirit and reap everlasting life.

Galatians 6:8-9 (NKJV) For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

Little by little
Day by day
Jesus is changing me
In every way.
It's been slow going
But there's a knowing
I'm not the same person
I used to be.
Oh how excited I am to see
The future dazzling, wonderful me!

Keep calm and carry on.