Heman's Prayer

Gloom, despair and agony on me
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren't for bad luck
I'd have no luck at all
Gloom, despair and agony on me.

My pastor told a story about when he was on military deployment. He had a good friend on the ship that he hung out with. The soldier had gotten into a depression about having to leave his wife back home. He had become majorly concerned about her. They prayed but it didn't seem to comfort the young soldier. My pastor kept trying to console the young man, but nothing he said or did could shake this young man's fear of gloom and doom. Finally, my pastor grabbed him up and and escorted him to a part of the ship that was private, and actually very dark. My pastor began to rebuke the spirit that was tormenting this young man and said he could visibly see the devil flee away from him. Suddenly, the young man's attitude changed from deep depression back to his normal self.

I was researching Scripture one day about God's faithfulness and accidentally ran across Psalm 88. As I began to read through it, I was thinking that probably by the end, the psalmist would proclaim hope in the Lord... or, state that his strength was renewed... or, that he was encouraged to wait on the Lord. But when I arrived at the end, the psalmist was just as despondent as in the beginning.

Psalm 88 was written by Heman the Ezrahite of the sons of Korah. Heman was in the throws of depression so deep that he states he is in the lowest pit. This reminds me of that Hee Haw skit from back in the day... "If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all - gloom, despair and agony on me."

In all seriousness, this is one of the few psalms that gives no answer to hope. Heman has seemingly hit rock bottom and is desperately seeking the God of salvation for help. He has cried out night and day. Obviously prayers has been made over a period of time and he has not seen deliverance as yet and feels forgotten like someone who's been a long time in the grave. He feels God is extremly angry due to the afflictions weighing heavily upon him. Finally, the psalmist begins to ask the Lord question after rhetorical question concerning life and death - because he feels so utterly helpless, despairing of even life itself but imploring God that He cannot be praised from the grave. He feels all alone in the world. He does not have his God, nor does he have acquaintances, loved ones or friends, he's all alone in the world.

Heman's Prayer

O Lord, God of my salvation,
I cry out to You by day.
I come to You at night.
Now hear my prayer;
listen to my cry.
For my life is full of troubles,
and death draws near.
I am as good as dead,
like a strong man with no strength left.
They have left me among the dead,
and I lie like a corpse in a grave.
I am forgotten,
cut off from Your care.
You have thrown me into the lowest pit,
into the darkest depths.
Your anger weighs me down;
with wave after wave You have engulfed me.
You have driven my friends away
by making me repulsive to them.
I am in a trap with no way of escape.
My eyes are blinded by my tears.
Each day I beg for Your help, O Lord;
I lift my hands to You for mercy.
Are Your wonderful deeds of any use to the dead?
Do the dead rise up and praise You?

Can those in the grave declare Your unfailing love?
Can they proclaim Your faithfulness in the place of destruction?
Can the darkness speak of Your wonderful deeds?
Can anyone in the land of forgetfulness talk of Your righteousness?
O Lord, I cry out to You.
I will keep on pleading day by day.
O Lord, why do You reject me?
Why do you turn Your face from me?
I have been sick and close to death since my youth.
I stand helpless and desperate before Your terrors.
Your fierce anger has overwhelmed me.
Your terrors have paralyzed me.
They swirl around me like floodwaters all day long.
They have engulfed me completely.
You have taken away my companions and loved ones.
Darkness is my closest friend.

WOW!  Heman cried out to the Lord God everyday, all day, and was put on ignore; like someone that keeps hitting up your cell phone, but you will not answer. The Lord would not even allow his prayer to come before Him. He prayed the Lord would lean an ear to him. His troubles had overtaken him to the point of weakness and utter hopelessness - just one step this side of death itself. He felt very all alone as if God had given up on him like a dead man whom everyone forgets before he is even cold in the grave, and laid somewhere where no one comes to visit his grave. He felt God's anger against him so heavy that it was like a Tsunami crashing upon him, and he was hopeless to survive it. His acquaintances were all driven far away from him so there was no one to help him get free from the prison of despair that held him captive and tormented him day and night. He had stretched out his hands and sought refuge from the Lord daily, to no avail.

Heman declares his former practice of prayer to the God of his salvation and begs for a present audience. He acknowledged that the Lord God was his Savior and merciful and faithful and righteous and a worker of miracles... and yet, He covered His ears to this man's plight, and rejects him even in his hour of desperation. He wonders how the Lord can turn His face away and leave him in total darkness where no light exists. He is paralyzed with fear and drowning in deep despair.

Can flavorless food be eaten without salt?

Or is there any taste in the white of an egg?

My soul refuses to touch them;

They are as loathsome food to me.

Cannot my taste discern the unsavory?

(Job 6:6-7, 30B)

In other words, will you convince me that it is day, when I can clearly see that it is night? I am not one for calling the glass half full, when it is nearly empty. But I admire those who's able to find a silver lining in any messed up situation. Poor Heman was wishing he could find a breakthrough somewhere, any where. But if I could see my way to finding a silver lining in Heman's messed up situation, it is that, at least he has not given up on prayer.

Prayer still works.

Heman is disappointed by God's silence, while the darkness keeps getting darker. What's hard to understand about God being silent, is the rest of the Bible paints the picture of The Great Deliverer... the One who comes to the rescue and parts the Red Sea, then drowns the enemy giving chase.

Heman can't even seem to get God to hear his desperate prayers, let alone answer one. But at least he has not given up on God. There's a song that says, "Don't give up on God cause He won't give up on you. He's able!"

I bought a notebook the other day to embark upon my own Prayer Journey, until I am completely emptied out. And I have to say, God is already responding and opening my eyes to some things that I need to correct.

Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. (1 John 5:14-16)

Prayer still works.

"The Lord may ask us to walk a path that we would not willingly choose. But we know that His ways are the right ways and even if we walk through darkness and uncertainty, He makes our steps light because He is our strength." - Our Daily Bread 

The Lord turned Job's captivity and restored his losses when he prayed for his friends. The Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. He was consoled and comforted concerning all the adversity the Lord had allowed the enemy to do to him... never having cursed God to his face, as Satan had predicted. 

Prayer still works. 

Don't give up on God, cause He won't give up on you. He's able! 

Those who sow in tears

Shall reap in joy. 

He who continually goes forth weeping,

Bearing seed for sowing,

Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,

Bringing his sheaves with him.

(Psalm 126:5-6) 

Take Me To The King

Truth is I'm tired

Options are few

I'm trying to pray

But where are You?

I'm all churched out

Hurt and abused

I can't fake

What's left to do?

Take me to the King

I don't have much to bring

My heart's torn in pieces

It's my offering

Lay me at the throne

Leave me there alone

To gaze upon Your glory

And sing to You this song

Please take me to the King

Truth is it's time

To stop playing these games

We need a word

For the people's pain

So Lord speak right now

Let it pour like rain

Oh, yeah, we're desperate

We're chasing after You

No rules, no religion

I've made my decision

To run to You

The healer that I need

Take me to the King

I don't have much to bring

My heart's torn in pieces

It's my offering

Lord we're in the way

Keep making mistakes

The glory's not for us

It's all for You

Take me to the King

Don't have much to bring

My heart's torn in pieces

It's my offering

Lay me at the throne

Leave me there alone

To gaze upon Your glory

And sing to You this song

Take me to the King

Take me to the King

Take me to the King

I surrender all
Anybody?

I surrender all

All to Thee my blessed Savior

Hallelujah!

I surrender

You can just

Take me to the King

Hallelujah!

Go in peace.

Daddy, I Wanna Sing

No Can Do!

Because I love music so much, one of the first things I requested of the Lord when I came to Christ, was to make me a singer. Most of the people in my family have great singing voices or they can play the heck out of an instrument... very musically inclined.

Driving alone in my car (with windows up), or in the shower, I can carry a pretty good note, but publicly on a stage, not so much. So I asked the Lord if He would anoint my voice so that I can fulfill my dream of being a singer like the rest of my family. After all, the Bible says to ask and it shall be given... for everyone that asks receives. I even told the Lord that I would travel the world singing and He would not even have to pay me to do it. I would sing for free if He could get me to the stage and back home. And I meant that. My motivation was not to use the gift to become wealthy, I just wanted to sing. Period. I thought because my motivation was pure, He should be okay with it.

Time passed (and passed) and my many attempts at singing outside the shower proved futile. In other words, I failed miserably at the singing thing and God was pretty silent about it for a while.

Finally, one day, the Lord explained why He would not let me sing.

"Baby, your whole life I raised you up to be a teacher. I let you endure things even as a child that would enhance your gift and skills. I instilled in you the study gene and all the necessary tools that enable you to study My word in depth. If I make you a singer now, it will be a great distraction, pulling you away from everything I have built up in you. I am sorry sweetheart, Daddy cannot make you a singer."

I felt His disappointment, that He had to turn me down. I knew what He said was truth. If He allowed me to sing, I would be too busy writing lyrics, rehearsing and performing to actually give myself over to the study of His word. It was disappointing but I gave up the notion of singing out in public.

Now, fast forward a few years. I was driving to work early one morning and a song came on the radio by The Canton Spirituals called Heavenly Choir. I was listening to the story and I heard the voice of the Lord say, "I'm going to let you sing in the heavenly choir." I gasped! Instinctively, I knew that He meant in the hereafter, I would be a member of His heavenly choir. I said, "Lord, You're going to let me sing in the heavenly choir?" He said, "I'm going to let you lead songs in the heavenly choir." I was speechless and emotions welled up so that I almost had to pull over. Tears were flowing down my face and I forced myself to pull it together before I caused a traffic accident.

When I finally got straightened out, I said, "Lord, I am deeply honored... and this more than makes up for not being the next Whitney Houston, here on my earthly pass-through." (In the shower, I always sound just like her. LOL!) 

Romans 8:28 states, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

When I turned 50, I suggested to the Holy Spirit that if we were going to be able to really accomplish a lot before I died, we should probably get this show on the road. I have less years left to live, than have already been lived. I know He called me to be a Bible teacher but it didn't seem to be progressing as quickly as I wanted. His response was that if I thought my gifts ended with my death, then I was thinking too small. I believe God's heavenly kingdom will be an extension of the church that we now see, with spiritual gifts still in operation.

In regard to my prayer to be a singer, the answer was no-can-do. But in my opinion, it couldn't have turned out any better, because I am still wow'd by the fact that He will let "me" lead songs in "His" heavenly choir. (SMH) Even the Lord's no, is just like a yes.

And we have a song that the angels can't sing, because only the redeemed can say, "I am redeemed."

Go in peace.

Retribution and Retaliation

When we are wronged our natural instinct is to fight back or be angry and hold a rocket-sized grudge against the evil doer. I, for one, have had my fair share of struggles in this area. I could hold a grudge long after I had forgotten what I was even ticked off about.

But Jesus taught us differently... to love our enemies and bless those who do us wrong. Speaking for myself (and possibly many others), this is a hard thing to do, but not impossible; for every believer has the power of the Holy Spirit at work within us and we are able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we dare to ask or think. The fruit of the Spirit that He brings with Him when He comes to live in us is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness and temperance. These virtues are nurtured in us and like a mustard seed they grow as we mature in these areas.

I have to confess my great struggle in this area. When I see victims of violent acts, my first response is not to love the evil person as Jesus taught. I secretly wish they would have the evil done right back to them but in greater measure.

Well, yesterday I watched a movie called The Equalizer played by Denzel Washington.

PLOT SUMMARY: "Robert McCall, a man of mysterious origin who believes he has put his past behind him, dedicates himself to creating a new, quiet life. However, when he meets a teenage prostitute who has been manhandled by violent Russian mobsters, he simply cannot walk away. Armed with a hidden set of formidable skills that allow him to serve vengeance against anyone who would brutalize the helpless, McCall comes out of his self-imposed retirement and finds his desire for justice reawakened. If someone has a problem with an evil person, and the odds are stacked against them, the Equalizer would help them get revenge." -Sony Pictures Entertainment

You would think that I would have enjoyed seeing these evil people get their just-deserves but honestly it did not hold the satisfaction I thought it would. Because I am not evil at heart, I could not be happy that these evil people were receiving the retribution they so equally deserved. I was surprised at my reaction. I thought I would've been cheering as each one came to his terrible demise, but instead my emotions were saddened. I was relieved that they would not be able to inflict evil on anyone else, but at the same time saddened by the circumstances of evil that existed in them. You think revenge is sweet, but it leaves a very bitter taste.

“Vengeance, retaliation, retribution, revenge are deceitful brothers; vile, beguiling demons promising justifiable compensation to a pained soul for his losses. Yet in truth they craftily fester away all else of worth remaining.”  ― Richelle E. Goodrich

If we are overcome by evil then we are the conquered party. But if we overcome evil with good then we are the victors and have subdued the enemy.

The Lord said vengeance is His and He would repay them. It's really for our own good. There's no real relief in trying to get even with our enemies. God is the best judge for distributing justice and our job is to work with the Holy Spirit so He can heal the hurting places left behind by mean-spirited people.

I really don't want to come off sounding high-and-mighty or make light of how deeply devastating evil can be. Lord knows I have struggled and struggled with my attitude toward these kind of people. But if I end up being the same as them, where is the nobleness in that? How does that make me any different than them? There has to be a difference in darkness and light.

• Rom 12:14, 17-21 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord. Therefore, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
• Proverbs 4:14-17, 19 Do not enter the path of the wicked, And do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it, do not travel on it; Turn away from it and pass on. For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; And their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall. For they eat the bread of wickedness, And drink the wine of violence. The way of the wicked is like darkness; They do not know what makes them stumble.
• Ps 37:1-2 Do not fret because of evildoers, nor be envious of the workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
• Ps 11:6 Upon the wicked He will rain coals; fire and brimstone and a burning wind shall be the portion of their cup.

Heavenly Father, there is one person that I need You to help me forgive and love with sincerity. Forgive my hypocrisy in pretending that everything is okay when it is not. I confess my weakness in not letting You take care of my hurts and wounds. Be my strength in this I pray. Amen

Go in peace. The fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.