I am not a conversationalist. I'm not that outgoing and frankly have a difficult time connecting with people that I don't know that well. For a long time I've accepted that I would never be a socialite and have embraced my introversion and protected it like a mother hen protecting her chicks. I don't put up walls to keep people out, I just stand far enough away, to keep them at bay. I love people. I'm concerned about people. When people cross my path that clearly have a need for God's intervention, I think and pray about them for days on end. Many times without their even knowing it. I do love people, but what the make-over has revealed is that I don't love relationships.
Relationships are a struggle and they can be messy. The one thing that I love about my sweet husband is that the relationship works without much struggle. It just works. We have so much in common that we are not too challenged by our differences. Thank God! We agreed early on to accept one another as is, since neither of us is perfect. We shook on it, and that's what we do.
I had the pleasure of meeting three ladies this year... Patsy, Carolyn and Monique. They're all wonderful women and we hit it off so well that I thought it had to be a God thing. But the loner in me perked up and became anxious about moving forward with these friendships.
I awoke in the middle of the night and got to thinking about the story of Anne of Green Gables written by Lucy Maud Montgomery. Anne Shirley and Diana Barry became BFFs... Anne called Diana her bosom friend. These were true-blue homeys. When Diana was forbidden by her mother to be friends with Anne, they were devastated and in tears, they made a vow to remain secret bosom friends for "as long as the sun and the moon shall endure". That is not the 21st century kind of friendship that we have become accustomed to - in this inundated social-media world we now live in.
In my humble opinion, someone writing LOL on a post will never take the place of actually hearing them laugh out loud and seeing the gleeful expression on their face. I mean, social media does have its rightful place, but our idea of friendship has shrunken dramatically to postings from people we barely know and rarely, if ever, see. And if you don't want to be bothered with them, all you have to do is "hide" them from your News Feed. Poof, they're gone!
Another problem that I have with relationships is that I have changed so much in the last 16 years since I began to follow Christ. I am an enthusiastic student of Scripture and when I arrive on the scene for a get together, I think everybody should be wanting to discuss the Bible... and they rarely, if ever, do. Then I am bored out of my skull and pretty much, ready to go. They're also bored and offended that I seem to turn every get together into a Bible Study.
The Urban Dictionary describes a loner as someone that likes being alone, and is happy with what (and who) they are. So, what's a loner-girl to do, now faced with the growing pains of relationships? I must submit my anxieties to the Lord my King, and trust that He will guide my heart and feet and make my crooked paths straight. God is my strength and power and He makes my way perfect. (2 Sam. 22:33)
The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree, he (or she) shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon. (Psalm 92:12)
Grow in peace.
The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree, he (or she) shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon. (Psalm 92:12)
Grow in peace.