MY OUT OF CONTROL TO DO LIST

Rid Anxiety From Your Life

On April 14th I wrote out the following prayer:

Heavenly Father (Teacher), I have an abundance of studies in progress. These are subjects that I started to study and have not completed. It is overwhelming me because I want to complete them and it seems to be impossible because of the quantity. This also includes my writing projects that are not completed. I need Your direction in how to proceed with this. I also want to be well prepared to teach Sunday School each week so studying for that is at the top of my list. It is written, “In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” I pray this in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Fifteen days later, on the morning of April 29th my anxiety level was still rising with a To Do List that seemed completely out of control so I wrote the following in my journal:

Anxiety is robbing me of the joy of studying the word of God. There are too many irons in the fire, and the fire is not big enough to heat all the irons. Currently, I have 68 Bible study topics that are not completed. And I have 29 blogposts in Drafts mode. And I have 5 books I need to finish reading. And I have 11 major writing projects to work on. And I have Sun School to prep for. Comfort me O God and soothe my anxieties. Teach me a better way to tackle my To Do Lists so that I come away feeling like I’ve accomplished some things, and not just added yet another thing to the lists.

After this, I attended our Saturday Fit Body and Bible at church and afterward the First Lady and I had a conversation about my anxiety. She gave me a word… “fluidity”. She said Holy Spirit wants me to release my rigidity and flow in the Spirit as He leads me from study to study, and project to project.

I went home that same day and completely dismantled my Studies in Progress binder. I made sure that all the study projects were on my spreadsheet and I filed them all away for future reference. The Holy Spirit wants me to follow His lead from now on. As He leads me into a study, I will look on my Studies in Progress spreadsheet and see if it is already on there. If it is, I will pull the reference material and continue the study as He leads me that day. If we don’t complete it that day, I will update the spreadsheet and file it away. If we do complete the study I can remove it from the spreadsheet and process it accordingly. If it becomes a blogpost, I will add it to that list, and if not I can file it away in the journal and so on. My anxiety was completely gone. I was relieved to no longer be governed by my To Do List but now governed by the gentle leading of Holy Spirit. The Scripture that He dropped in my spirit was Matt 11:28-30… “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

On the following Monday morning, the very first thing He led me to study was The Glory of God. I searched my spreadsheet and saw that we had already begun the study back in March. I pulled those notes out and studied for hours. It felt good. I enjoyed it. There was no anxiety at all. I stumbled across a YouTube video where this teacher was expounding on the glory of God and I received life changing revelation.

I heard Pastor Steven Furtick say, “If the enemy cannot distract you, he’ll try to discourage you, just as he did the prophet Elijah. The Lord approached Elijah and asked him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” God likes asking rhetorical questions that will get us to thinking.

God will never design a life for us that makes Him unnecessary, because if I think that I can do it all on my own, then I don’t need Him. He had to show me that without Him I am nothing but a ball of anxiety with no way to make my calling worthwhile, but through Him, I am more than a conqueror.

My anxiety level had taken away my enjoyment of studying. This was the enemy’s goal to discourage me from studying God’s word. The word that First Lady gave me to stay fluid was the answer to my dilemma. As a result, I have now developed a brand-new process for studying the word of God. His yoke is easy. His burden is light.

Thank You Lord!

To God be the glory.

Dee Richardson, Voice of the Dove

LET THERE BE LIGHT

Let There Be Light

Yesterday we had an interesting Bible Study at church. Pastor Phillip started out with, “God wants to share His heart with us.” I wrote in my notes, “How does God feel toward me?” Pastor Phillip expounded on why God allowed His Son to be bruised… because He wanted us for His family. He read Isa. 53:9-10. “He had done no violence, nor was any deceit in His mouth. Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief.” Those who believe are in the family of God.

He also read 1 John 5:1-15 in The Passion Translation. Ironically, 1 John 5:14-15 is a passage that I often quote when I’m praying. “If I know that You hear me when I pray, then I know I have the petitions that I have asked of You.”

Another irony in the Bible Study was that Joseph (from the book of Genesis) came up. In a 5/13/23 blogpost (22 days ago), I spoke about Joseph stating, “It could’ve been easy for Joseph to become frustrated in his faith, because all he had was a dream of greatness that kept going in opposite directions.” I also brought this up in the Bible Study.

I’m taking to heart that this study was definitely orchestrated by Holy Spirit, and was desperately needed. In an effort to see that this seed falls on good ground and yields a hundredfold crop, I am going to explore it further.

A third topic that came up at the Bible Study was the concept of Spirit versus Reality. I’m sure some of that went over my head, but Pastor Phillip used the concept of dreams controlling life… the things we cannot see, touch, taste, hear, or smell… controlling the things that we can see, touch, taste, hear, or smell.

This morning I was awakened by my dear husband having nocturnal seizures (these are uncontrolled spasms or convulsions that happen while one sleeps). In the past, I have prayed many, many, many times that the seizures would stop. I have cast the devil out of our home. I have asked the Lord to rebuke the devil. I have also prayed that the Lord would put me into a deep sleep so that I may sleep through the seizures. None of these have worked. ☹ This is just one of many examples of my unanswered prayers hanging in limbo, that continue to perplex me on a regular basis. Is God causing the seizures so I will get out of bed and go study or write? Is that supposed to be my indication to get up? Even if I heard the Lord communicate the reason, or direction, I would feel better, but I have nothing but prayers going up, which brings me full circle back to my initial question, “How does God feel toward me?”

Three days ago (on 6/1/23), I published another blogpost. It was a prayer to God that I may have the ability to hear Him speaking in plain English from His mouth to my ears. Not through a preacher nor a prophet but straight from His lips to my ears in plain English. I’m not disqualifying preachers just hopeful that there could be better communication between me and God so there may be light in my darkness. He could then explain the nocturnal seizures issue, and I would have a response to my prayers that are hanging out there in limbo year after year. Then as prayers go up a response will always come back. That is my concept of relationship… a two-way conversation.

Before I fully knew the call of God on my life, I prayed He would make me a singer with a voice like Whitney Houston’s so I could travel the globe singing for His glory. I prayed for this many times. One day, I got a response. God said, “Daddy can’t make you a singer. Your whole life I have prepared you for another calling.” He then took me all the way back to elementary school and walked me through life detail by detail and showed me those things that were Him preparing me to fulfill His calling. I let go of the Whitney Houston prayers and accepted what He had shown me.

When I think about how God feels toward me, I have many firsthand experiences logged in my journal. I will only need to read a short time before I run across one, then another, and another of God revealing Himself to me, and His love for me through a song that popped up, or a social media post, or a commercial on TV, or a Scripture that fell in my spirit, or a Bible Study such as the one we had on yesterday. Indeed, God does care for me! There is no doubt about it. He loves me as a Daddy should.

I recently saw a YouTube video of a guy cleaning obstruction out of a culvert by pulling a car tire through it. On the other end you could see mud, branches, dead leaves, trash, and debris being pushed out by the tire. I began to pray that my spiritual culvert would also be cleaned out so God’s special gifts may flow freely through me without obstructions.

SO NOW, as I come full circle back to my desire for the seed of God’s word, that I received in Bible Study yesterday, to produce and bear fruit, I now submit my prayer to God.

Heavenly Father, Jesus said in Matthew 13:23, “The one who received seed in good ground is the one who truly hears the word and understands it, and produces a plentiful harvest. I commit my concerns to You because I know that even the very hairs on my head are all numbered. You’re concerned about EVERYTHING that concerns me. You know my thoughts afar off, and You know my heart. I’m not in this thing all by myself. Let this mind be in me which was also in Christ Jesus. In His name I humbly ask and pray. Amen.

2 Corinthians 4:6 (NLT) For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness," has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.

To God be the glory.
Dee Richardson, Voice of the Dove

SPEAKING IN TONGUES

Dear Heavenly Father,

You and I have spoken a few times about my having better clarity concerning the things of God. At times it seems the church is struggling to be clear about how You are leading us, and speaking in tongues is one of those times. I have studied and read commentaries on it, and I am getting varying degrees of explanations — none really agreeing wholeheartedly with the others. We also discussed it at length in Bible Study and it was the same. The church is not in agreement about speaking in tongues. I have forgiven the church for teaching that tongues was a mandate from You as evidence that we are filled with the Spirit. I hope that clears out the culvert, so this special gift may flow to me.

Those that spoke in tongues on the Day of Pentecost, began to speak as the Spirit gave them utterance. This is what I’m going to hang my hat on. I will begin to speak in tongues as the Spirit gives me utterance. As the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets, I will not resist the Holy Spirit, but I will not force it either. I will let the Spirit’s anointing come forth as He will’s it to. I welcome the ability to speak in tongues when the Spirit begins to give me utterance.

The apostle Paul spoke of the tongues of angels in 1Cor. 13:1. I am not sure if what I’m thinking is correct but perhaps when we speak in unknown tongues we are speaking the language of angels… giving them instructions or plans to carry out. In that case, I overwhelmingly welcome the gift of new tongues. Paul also said that he who speaks in a tongue does not speak to men, but to God. Speaking in tongues carries the idea that in my spirit I am speaking mysteries, as Holy Spirit gives me utterance.

Father, please allow me to pray boldly concerning this, if You will. While I do appreciate what tongues accomplishes, what I desire even more than that, is not so much the ability to speak, but the ability to hear. If there is an ability for You to speak plain English words from Your mouth to my ears, instead of me speaking to You in tongues, I actually desire that much, much more. I need conversations that does not land as a parable I am scratching my head about, totally confused about what it meant and how it relates to me personally. God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. We seem to be making a bigger deal of speaking in tongues but what I need more than that is to hear You with better clarity. I desperately need a way for my Lord to talk to me in plain English, and in a way that eliminates and annihilates my confusion… that shines a 400-watt flood light onto my path that I may see at a distance, without stumbling around, bumping into stuff, and tripping over rocks. More than speaking in tongues, that is what I need.

Jesus said to His disciples that a time was coming when He would no longer speak to them in figurative language, but He would tell them plainly about the Father. I am assuming He was speaking of the presence of Holy Spirit in us, bringing with Him our ability to understand the mysteries of the kingdom of God. Jesus also said that He had to speak in parables because it had not been “given” to them to know the mysteries of the kingdom. But the kingdom is now within us, therefore we have been “given” that ability.

Moses wrote the entire Pentateuch. The Bible says that the Lord spoke to Moses face-to-face, as a man speaks to his friend. There were many occasions where Moses had the advantage of hearing Your voice speaking in his language, that he wrote down, and we are reading it today.

Adam walked with You in the cool of the day, he also had the advantage of hearing Your voice with his ears. The ability to hear You plainly is my request, this desire is much greater than my ability to speak in tongues, although I welcome that too. Jesus said, “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says.” Thank You for letting me come boldly to Your throne of grace with my requests.

James 1:5 (NKJV) If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

To God be the glory.

Dee Richardson, Voice of the Dove