At Home In My Shell

CAN I COME OUT NOW?

I live in a tortoise shell and most of the time, I'm okay with it because I know who I am and have a keen sense of self-awareness. I don't think life in a tortoise shell makes me looney, it just makes me who I am. I am an introvert, and I protect it like its precious gold because I think writers are cut from that mold. We are most alive when left alone.

The problem is when I venture out of my shell, I often find that I wished I hadn't. My engagement with others often proves unfortunate and I wished that I had just stayed at home. Where does this come from, I'm wondering? Do people roll their eyes in the back of their heads when they see me coming? If so, why is that? What is it about my personality that causes them to say, "Oh Lord, is she coming to the party?"

When I look inward, I see a person that is compassionate and fun to be around. I'm not annoying. I don't say everything that comes to my mind. I speak words that uplift and not tear down, and so I fail to get why engagement with humans is hard for me. Maybe I try too hard and people can sense that I'm trying too hard to engage... or not engage if the conversation is going somewhere I am not comfortable with. I don't know.

What I do know is that each time I venture out of my tortoise shell and I encounter yet another unfortunate human interaction, it makes me want to stay in my shell more and more. I am not comfortable with that either. Someone coined a phrase that people who need people are the luckiest people in the world. But you cannot prove that by me, because if I am truly honest with myself, people just get on my last nerve at times.

I am trying to figure out if its just my personality that is a turn off to others or if I am trying to engage with the wrong type of people for my personality type, and its repelling like two magnets bouncing off one another and won't attach.

Whatever the case may be, the Bible says to cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you. So that's what I will do.

The apostle James said, "If any man lack wisdom let him ask of God who will respond liberally and will not be offended by our inquiry."

The apostle Paul said to think on things that are of good report. So I will dwell on the things that make me a truly wonderful person and pray my disappointments in mankind won't turn me completely away from people interaction.

I will bloom where I'm planted and allow the good Shepherd to take care of the rest. In Him I live and move and have my being. In Him I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. My heavenly Father says, "This is My beloved daughter in whom I am very well pleased." That is good enough for me.

Good night.