Proverbs 6:34-35 (NLT)
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| TORN ASUNDER BY JEALOUSY Who is able to stand before jealousy? |
The Dictionary defines jealous as feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship. I define it as a malicious distrust of a partner that centers on one's own self. The person reacting to jealousy is in part, acting in selfishness because it is mostly suspicion (not real) and in most cases not based on true facts. A lot of times, the person reacting to the jealousy is simply insecure in himself, and covering up his insecurities by accusing his spouse of wild-eyed suspicions. He creates scenarios that are simply not there and misinterprets situations that are truly innocent.
Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!
Matt. 6:22-23 (NLT)
Unfaithfulness in marriage is a terribly hurtful thing. In no way do I make light of it. If a person is suspicious of his partner, that must be a tragic thing to experience, believing that the one you love would be involved in an affair.
The spirit of jealousy is a stronghold that has the victim on lock down. They are unable to see that their suspicions are unfounded, because their eye is unhealthy. They further victimize their partner and will not accept the truth, no matter how desperately it is explained to them. They believe what they believe, no matter what.
Personally, I believe it is a form of Schizophrenia, which is defined as:
a type of long-term mental disorder involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perceptions, inappropriate actions and feelings; a withdrawal from reality into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation.
The person operating under a spirit of jealousy, and continues to accuse the innocent partner of unfaithful behavior, is in fact delusional (not operating in reality).
According to Leviticus 20:10, if a man's wife had an affair and got caught, both she and the adulterer was put to death. That's how serious a crime adultery is, it warranted capital punishment.
In the 5th chapter of Numbers, Moses addresses this issue by creating a law to deal with the jealous husband and his suspicions of an unfaithful wife. If the wife had an affair and the husband was suspicious but had no proof, the spirit of jealousy would come upon him and he was supposed to take his wife with a grain offering (a jealousy offering to bring her hidden sin to remembrance) to the priest to be tested under the law of jealousies.
The priest had her sit in a chair in the Holy Place of the tabernacle. The priest would take dirt from the tabernacle floor and mix it with holy water to make it bitter water. Then the priest would remove her head scarf and put the jealousy offering in her hands. He held the bitter water, and brought the charge before her, saying that if she had not had an affair then she would be free from the curse of the bitter water. But if she did have an affair and slept around, the Lord would make her a curse and an oath among her people by making her right thigh rot and fall away and the bitter water in her belly would cause it to swell up.
If she was found innocent, she would conceive seed, and be free from the curse. The jealous husband would be ashamed of himself by humiliating his wife publicly. I suppose if this became a regular occurrence, the Lord would deal with the priest in how to appropriately deal with this erring husband... or the Lord Himself would deal with him.
Jesus taught in the sermon on the mount that if one has lusted after another person in his or her heart, they have committed adultery already, even if they did not have physical intercourse. So, if we are caught up in sin or tempted to sin, we should take every precaution to escape from it.
Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn away from it and pass on.
Prov. 4:14-15
When Joseph was faced with his boss Potiphar's wife, he broke away from her grip and ran from her when she was trying to lure him to sleep with her.
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
1 Cor. 10:13
The partner experiencing the jealousy and suspicion of infidelity, should love his partner enough, to conduct the confrontation in love. He is not acting in love when he is victimizing his wife by wrongfully interrogating her to satisfy his continual suspicions. He is making it all about himself... excessively concerned about his own welfare without any regard for her feelings.
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Gal. 6:2
There's another story told in the Bible about a couple named Hosea and Gomer. She was a prostitute and she continued her harlotry even after they were married. Hosea loved Gomer. He would go and find her standing on her street corners and carry her back home. He never stopped loving Gomer even while she openly cheated on him. Again, I am not condoning infidelity, but merely illustrating what true love really is. Love is not selfish, nor is it tormenting.
Love is patient and kind. LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever!
1 Cor. 13:4-8 (NLT)
A healthy marriage is built on love for one another, and the joy of marriage deepens as both partners nurture one other. On the other hand, the marriage is torn apart as one or both antagonizes the other, leading down the road to impending destruction. It is sad, but true. Even if they don't divorce, the marriage will remain troubled. One or both partners will be unhappy.
Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.
Eph. 5:24-26
The healthy thing to do when the enemy drops a negative thought about your partner into your mind, would be to say, "My spouse would not do that. I do not receive it." If these suspicions continue to linger, pray sincerely about it. Let the Lord lead you in how to wisely confront the issue. Use godly wisdom to build the relationship up, and be very careful who you confide in regarding your suspicions.
I once knew a man that was dealing with the spirit of jealousy. He went to his pastor to confide in him and the pastor said to him, "Well brother, you know your wife." This response only solidified the husband's misguided suspicions and the victimization of his innocent wife increased from that point. I am curious as to why the pastor's first response was not to lead the brother in prayer over his marriage.
There is a way out of this mess, without busting up the marriage... Divine Intervention!
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.
2 Cor. 4-6 (NKJV)
I once saw a movie called War Room (directed by Alex Kendrick). It's about a couple that was experiencing serious marital problems. The wife was given advice by a wise old woman, to do her fighting in prayer. Don't fight with your spouse. Fight on your knees. The wife then emptied out her closet and turned it into a room of warfare over her troubled marriage. God worked miracles in their home and completely transformed their marriage. I know He is able to do anything, according to our faith. He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly, over and above, all that we dare to ask Him in fervent prayer, according to the Holy Spirit's power that is at work in us.
I often hear Pastor Joel Osteen say, "We are victors and not victims." The enemy will try to victimize us, but God has the last say. When Satan tried to tempt Jesus in the wilderness, Jesus said, "Away with you Satan." The devil left Him and angels came and ministered to Him. We don't have to put up with the devil. Get armored up and stand your ground. Go to war with the enemy knowing that he is already a defeated foe, and greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world. The time is now to defeat this enemy and remove him from your home.
The spirit of jealousy is a stronghold, but strongholds can be pulled down and the enemy defeated, and you are the one to do it, my friend.
Who is able to stand before jealousy? You are!! With the power of the Holy Spirit, you will completely stamp it out.