On Whose Terms?

I am struggling in my relationship with the Lord because I have gone through a series of disappointments, one after another. The problem with serving the Lord, is that He is a Spirit. We can't meet up with Him at Starbucks and sit down for a face-to-face over coffee. We live out our lives by FAITH, taking steps that we are not sure of, hoping we're on the right path. Many times, it doesn't turn out as we had expected.

I seem to have a lot of promises, prophesies and visions and not enough manifestations of them - which are giving me pause to move forward. I keep turning corners to find another dead end street. A word from the preacher or a song on the radio says it is just around the corner, but it rarely is. From year to year we wait to see our desires come to pass, but the years keep passing by.

I know that I love the Lord with all my heart, but what if He NEVER comes through with all the things I'm expecting? Will I love that Lord even then? Is my relationship with Him hinging on whether or not He fulfills all my wishes, desires and dreams?

On the Mount of Olives, Jesus prayed in agony, "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will but Yours be done." The Father did not remove the cup but Jesus had to drink from it anyways.  But what He did do was strengthen Jesus for the journey. Jesus said in John 4:34, "My food is to do the will of God who sent Me, and to finish His work.

Maybe the struggle I'm having is that I'm trying to push through my agenda and it doesn't seem to be what God wants for me at this time.  I have to turn my thoughts and desires toward what God's will is and serve Him on His terms. There in lies peace and rest for my weary mind and spirit.  Jesus said in John 5:30, "I do not seek My own will, but the will of the Father who sent Me."

Heavenly Father,
What is Your will for me?  Reveal to me what it is and give me the wisdom, the will and the do to pull it off.  I know You see my struggle and my inner wrestling.  I don't know whether to go left or right, and past disappointments are taunting me, keeping me up nights.  Speak Lord and give me guidance. Let me know what Your will is, then I will know what is expected of me. Do not let me flee to Tarshish, if Nineveh is Your desired plan, as the prophet Jonah did.  Help me with this! Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and let there be a time of singing and dancing with my tambourine, as the prophetess Miriam did.  Lord I concede that this is Your operation and Your terms and conditions by which I operate.  I am just Your unprofitable servant, doing what is my duty to do.  All I ask is that You let me know what Your will is, and I'll be the one to make sure that its carried out.  Set me on a clear path to victory because You always cause me to triumph.  In my Savior Jesus' name I pray.  Amen.