I turned 53 years old in August. I get so jealous when I see young people who are half my age, going forth on the platform preaching. The Lord has kept me waiting in the shadows all this time, but allow these young people with much less experience, to stand behind the podium – and it don’t seem right. Perhaps it is my jealousy that is keeping me from progressing. Perhaps they passed the lesson on humility, where I did not.
I have been studying the Holy Bible for 17 years, knowing there is a calling, but I watch novices going forth instead of me. I really should just be happy the gospel is being preached, whether I am preaching it or not, or whether there are only 3 people in my Sunday School class, or 300. Perhaps my jealousy is the blessing blocker and when I can find it in my heart to be happy for others, doors may begin to open for me.
Jeremiah said when he tried not to speak anymore in the name of the Lord, His word was in his heart like fire shut up in his bones and he was weary of holding it back. Jeremiah could not do it any longer. I know what that feels like. Yet here I sit upon a shelf, till my season shall finally come.
But don’t feel sorry for me. I confess my sin, only to shame the devil. The apostle Paul said “I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake.” (2 Cor. 12:10).
Don’t get me wrong, I love the Lord with all my heart, even though my understanding is unfruitful. I will stand upon my watch and continue to study His word, till my season shall finally come.
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. (1 Cor. 15:58)
Go in peace... and keep on keeping on.
